Words that only belong in a closed notebook

I wrote down my thoughts last night...unpolished, unedited. I look at them and I know I can't share them with anyone because they're illogical and probably seem scary. I have basic human reasoning, I know these thoughts are not brought forth from any reality. And so I know what any friend would tell me about these words - they're not true. Well...it doesn't matter. It doesn't, because my brain already knows that. But it doesn't change the fact that my heart still feels the weight of these words.

. . .

I don't belong anywhere. I'm weak. I'm naturally bad. I can't do it (life). I don't care. I'm useless to God. Empty. Dying.

. . .

Talking doesn't help. Being around people, trying to gain strength from them, only gives me anxiety. I avoid eye contact with the people close to me because my insides don't match their joy or the joy I'm trying to portray. They'll see the lie in my eyes.