Words that only belong in a closed notebook
- Amy Hilgers
- Dec 12, 2017
- 1 min read
I wrote down my thoughts last night...unpolished, unedited. I look at them and I know I can't share them with anyone because they're illogical and probably seem scary. I have basic human reasoning, I know these thoughts are not brought forth from any reality. And so I know what any friend would tell me about these words - they're not true. Well...it doesn't matter. It doesn't, because my brain already knows that. But it doesn't change the fact that my heart still feels the weight of these words.
. . .
I don't belong anywhere. I'm weak. I'm naturally bad. I can't do it (life). I don't care. I'm useless to God. Empty. Dying.
. . .
Talking doesn't help. Being around people, trying to gain strength from them, only gives me anxiety. I avoid eye contact with the people close to me because my insides don't match their joy or the joy I'm trying to portray. They'll see the lie in my eyes.
Recent Posts
See AllYou taught me that the most important part of me is my sexuality. That I should be eager to please and easily pleasured and that's how to...
I try to grasp at control over my feelings. But it's like liquid silver slipping through my fingertips and the more frantically I try to...
It feels like I'm standing in the middle of a seesaw. Or maybe walking a tight rope. I lean to the left and I feel gravity pulling me...